Yeah so hey. That’s kinda where I am right now. That whole half not giving a hot damn and the other half wanting to run around like the chicken missing it’s head.
C’mon, I’m not alone! I’m not, right?
I want to share a little more Back to School fun with you all today. Yesterday we did part food today we do part stuff. I’m told this gets better as your kids get further down the line with school. As of fifth grade it’s still the same song and dance. Middle school parents holla at ya girl about the differences.
Today I’m going to talk about the stuff. The necessities of life when it comes to school. Wait, that’s a little misleading. The necessities of back to school for your children is how it should world. Face it what I need versus what my kids need are two totally different things and last time I checked a ten year old cannot buy it.
This post is dedicated to back to school (non food) shopping. And it goes a little something like this…
I hate school supplies. Do not misread that and think that it means I hate back to school shopping because I do not hate back to school shopping I just hate school supplies.
I do not mind buying my children pencils, paper, twenty glue sticks (really, I have to buy a twenty pack hello Sam’s Club loving teacher), scissors, a binder, five marble composition books (I had no clue they still used those in 2018, 1937 sure! 2018? Really?), I am even buying Play Doh (per the list) and of course sanitizing wipes, baby wipes, Ziploc storage bags, and probably GermX. That’s fine. I don’t care. I will buy it and you will use it.
I just hate the experience of shopping for it.
Really I wonder if teachers have hidden cameras in Walmart that shows parents searching for the sixteen pack of Crayola crayons. I’m not even kidding you when one year the list said, “16 Pack Crayola Crayons NO 24 Packs.” Here’s the deal: Crayola does make a sixteen pack but they don’t generally sell them in Walmarts, Targets, etc. I called the mofo company’s customer service and the woman told me that directly!
“Yes ma’am we generally sell those in specialty stores. Perhaps your school system would like to you visit an educational specialty store?”
Y’all know I love the Walmart. The Walmart is my little heaven on earth at times because 1. They have some really cute crap. 2. Being in Walmart makes me feel better about my life choices. 3. I know I’m the best parent in the world after a trip to Walmart.
However, when you put nineteen moms on one aisle who need the same product and you only have seven left and truck isn’t coming in for two days – I think we need to find a better way.
OK so yeah there is a better way. Our school supply lists were made available on July 5th.
I cannot get behind that. But OK.
Last night I hit up the Walmart with no child in tow. Just me, a list, a buggy that was a piece of metal junk, and a goal: Get the goods, get out unscathed. Let’s remember it’s 4 days until school starts.
I will not recommend this tactic to anyone else.
After an hour I had everything but headphones and a freaking zipper pouch.
Go me! I also had the other necessary school supplies that the teacher wishes she could put on that magical list that you can have Target box up for you.
It’s the other stuff I had to buy for back to school so the teachers would love me and not roll their eyes and sigh in an over dramatic fashion when they have my children.
Maybe I love Walmart so much because I worked there in high school? I did! I was a pharmacy tech from 1998-2000. That was back before people did pain killers for fun. I wasn’t a card carrying pharm tech I was just a kid who applied for a part time job and got it. $6.24 an hour, watch the hell out. I loved working at Walmart.
HBA stands for Health & Beauty Aides. I know this because the pharmacy was in the H part of that. I used to count packages of finger condoms along with Band-Aids and Midol and ACE Bandages. Life was good. Life was gravy.
Along with the back to school supply list from the teachers I make another back to school list for my kids. It’s called the HBA List.
Honestly, I think teachers wish they could order us to all buy certain HBA’s because that whole puberty thing is not a made up piece of propaganda.
This list (I make) for my kids consists of:
Zyrtec – My kids are truly allergic to school and so they need a medication to combat that. Seriously – the school has crap in it (building materials?) that irritate my kids allergies. No teacher needs to be subjected to the spray of a fifth grader’s uncovered sneeze. No teacher needs to grow an immunity to seeing bats in the caves of kindergarteners. This item goes so well with the boxes of tissues that were on the list. Allergy medication plus tissues – great idea. When I was a sub I hated kindergarten because those kids would have green JUNK sitting on their faces and I would gag. I wold so gag. So let me take this a step farther and say to you: TEACH YOUR KIDS TO EFFECTIVELY BLOW AND CLEAN THEIR NOSES WITH TISSUES.
(I’m gagging as I type this.)
Probiotic – Because their mom knows the benefits of a good probiotic. And also because I don’t have time for sickness and neither does a teacher. Gut health in kids is just as important as it is for adults. If you have ever been in a car or classroom with kids who are constantly farting then you will have a greater appreciation for the probiotic. It really has helped around here!
Daily Multivitamin – See above; and if they stop eating for whatever reason at least I know they are getting some vitamins and minerals.
Contact Solution – My kid has contacts that she wears two times a week. This really does not effect the teacher. I just wanted to add it to the list.
Toothpaste – I have no time for bad breath and bad teeth. They can never use the excuse, “We’re out of toothpaste!” Further more, your kids need to be brushing their teeth and I have to say that this is a freaking battle in our house. I mean how hard is it to spend sixty-freaking-seconds cleaning your teeth? I hate stinky breath and gross teeth it is the same as boogers on the face to me. So do everyone a favor and make sure your kids brush those teeth BEFORE they go to school.
Deodorant – The majority of my time working with kids was at the high school level. All my children were good on taking care of their bodies and smells. I rarely had a kid who smelled. I do not understand how fourth and fifth grade teachers can do their jobs. The reason I say because those are the years of true ripeness. I mean those kids smell like bad Thai food if their bodies rise in temperature even a half a degree. So here’s my PSA: If you have a child that is 9 or up buy them some amazing deodorant. Buy them the crème de la crème of armpit spray or solid. You explain they can never ever wear too much. And you high five them as they spray that deodorant for fifteen minutes all over their bodies.
Do not buy body spray. Buy deodorant. The ones that aren’t supposed to be cologne or perfume. The real stuff. (Arrid, Degree, Secret)
Body Wash – And along with this I should say shampoo too. I remember the days of being lax on baths and showers. Those days were when my mom had a chlorinated pool and we would spend all day at it. The kids would fall asleep in their clean clothes with their Cloroxed skin and I said, “Clean enough.” So that may work for summer break but for school year – it fails. It’s a freaking F-. Kids need baths and showers and to actually use the soap and not just stand in the water for thirty seconds then say they are clean. My kids use a product with tea tree oil in it to ward away bugs…you know…school bugs.
Lice people, I’m talking about lice. We had a lice incident last year. It sucked.
Now I get to tell you what I do not spend money on at back to school time!
I don’t buy school clothes. No uniforms here but I don’t fall for the new clothes deal when it’s August. The fact of the matter is this:
My kids have summer clothes. They fail to have fall and winter clothing. I will buy them fall and winter clothing and call it back to school clothing in mid to late September when the temperature decides to drop.
I also haven’t made plans to buy sneakers. My son doesn’t care about Nike yet so he’s sporting a pair of whatever Walmart sells that I had to get him in late June. Since he’s worn sandals all summer they still look good.
My daughter wears my shoes. And then she gets to keep them because her feet smell like war, death, and hatred.
And that is that. When you mix in birthdays with supply lists and basic healthcare it can get a little pricey. It also makes the wine taste extra better LOL!
Happy back to school time. I’ll see ya tomorrow for a This Ever Loving Week Post.