Friday Number Um Something

Sup.  I’ll tell you what’s up…

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Exactly.  I don’t know because I don’t care because I’m too damn tired.

Happy December.

All this week I’ve had (prewritten) posts to publish.

Gift Guide 1: The 10 Year Old Female

Gift Guide: Little Man

Gift Guide: His n Her’s

And I posted one to get your blood flowing….

Holiday Remix!!!

Why did I prewrite?

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Why the hell are you asking that?  It’s freaking holiday time and that means I’m busy with getting up and leaving my house every day to go make a dollar to buy a freaking kid a toy.

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How in the world are kids gonna know it’s Jesus’ birthday if they don’t have a freaking toy to unwrap?

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Since I haven’t been all close with you lately I felt like this post should be that whole valley girl voice begins now like totally that!

  1.  Our Thanksgiving sucked Image result for thanksgiving do over funny

Look I’m thankful and I’m blessed and I know it.  But you mix together your favorite holiday with PMS along with a dash of plans being ruined then you don’t get a vodka tonic.  No sister you get dookie in a Dixie cup.  My Thanksgiving consisted of me crying, my kids not caring about anything, a three hour wait at Cracker Barrel, and a fake friggin’ tree.

Yes, I’m thankful for my family and my health and my home and my health but for the love of the Lord I’m an American.

Americans are whiners.

I am a red blooded American.

2.  I got trashed.

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I didn’t get totally trashed.  However, over the weekend we had a birthday party at a local winery to attend and my husband started inviting everyone to an after party at my not so neat and tidy home.  I was freaking and then I started drinking my Cabernet a little harder.  It ended up being a freaking blast.  The next day was rough.

3.  I went to the doctor.

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And I’m good to go.  Yes, the doctor had factual results to let me know I am OK.  The word of the day was perimenopause.  Friends with vaginas ignore that word.

4.  I worked my tail off.

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This doesn’t fit at all but it made me giggle.

Thanksgiving is over and I am booked solid for the next two months.  I’m working on my hands and knees (sorry Matt Lauer, I’m not hiring) and that means I’m also doing weird yoga in public places like McDonald’s to be able to continue my jobs.  My back wants to quit and it keeps giving me lip I just keep telling it to kiss my grits and keep trucking.

5.  Prince Harry.

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The only ginger I ever loved had to go get an American girl.  I hate those American girls.

6.  Where exactly are you, Christmas?

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I emailed my BFF that I was Faith Hilling it asking where Christmas was.  Trust I am surrounded by it but I’m like – nah it isn’t Christmas yet. At the current time I’m thinking Christmas may arrive in June.  Why June?  I don’t know – it sounded good.

7.  Speaking of my BFF…

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She and I have GNO tonight.  I’m so thrilled and hoping I can score some speed before the big date so I can be awake.  Right now I’m feeling like I have been roofied.  I just re read all of this in number seven and I realize that you now think I’m a drug addict.  I don’t do speed I do espresso.  I have not been roofied.  I am just tired.

8.  Do you want to watch a movie?

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I have watched Elf twice.  I keep singing loud for everyone to hear to spread Christmas cheer but instead I feel like I need to drink a bottle of wine and cry.

9.  Give me sugar or die.

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Last night I was in a bad way.  I wanted sweets and I wanted them pretty bad.  So I did what anyone would do – I made a bowl of homemade icing.  I then took ginger snaps and make cookie sandwiches and ate them.  Yes, I ate like 98 of them.  I also licked the icing beaters.  I snapped it and my winning line was – My pancreas said it wanted to work and I said I was up for the challenge.

I then felt terrible guilt and drank half a gallon of water and showered.

10.  I got tagged.

A friend tagged me on this meme from FB

I must agree this is me.

And I’m only getting better with my languages.



10 thoughts on “Friday Number Um Something”

  1. I 100% feel you, I couldn’t even get my 3 teens to cooperate for a picture without making my mom cry. Oh my sweets, let’s just go get drunk on a beach! But if we can’t right now, thank you for giving me the biggest smile this Friday morn!! FREAKIN….LOVE YOU!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wanted to feel bad and laugh and cry and laugh all while reading this. I nearly spit out my water when I got to ‘friends with vaginas’. Also If things are going bleh, you might as well drink up. I haven’t had a hangover in FOREVER though so I am not sure I really feel that way :P. Here’s to hoping the weekend is amazing… or at least good.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey friend hey. This post did have some classic lines in it. I try. GNO was too much fun. Good food, good wine, good shopping. It was so good I thought I would wake up in a a castle married to Prince Harry. Then I really woke up to a chihuahua with bad breath and a five year old’s massive feet in my spine. Thinking about buying a tick to NOLA and sleeping on your porch. XO!


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