friday

Friday #9

On this day ten years ago…..

We got married.

Ten years, geez.  I feel like it should be commemorated a bit differently than it is.  Shouldn’t we all gather together and have a meal and eat cake?  Shouldn’t we go on a big trip? (Oh wait, yeah we are!!!)  I mean ten years isn’t common anymore is it?

More like ten minutes.

Our marriage has been up and down, side to side, it falls back on the straight and narrow and then we hit potholes.

I’ve talked about the big 10 with friends and have been met with various discussion.  The most common?  No one has had a fairy tale and not one person would say that they didn’t doubt their decision to wed their spouses.

One friend said they spent number ten having a long talk about whether they would stay wed.

Another friend said they decided to try counseling at number ten.

A scoop of Rocky Road for everyone and freely admitting it.  All those folks are still married now at 12 and 16 years.  I don’t know if they are happy but I can attest to you that even though we have had our dark moments we are happy.

Looking back I think its important I say this to newlyweds….

  1.  You won’t fall in love every day.  You will wake up some mornings and see each other and want to scratch eyeballs out.  Your partner will piss you off on the regular and you will piss them off. Other mornings you will wake up beaming and pride and joy over your “other half” and everything they do will be charming in your eyes.  These marriage deals are balances of good and bad – make sure you see the balance. Image may contain: 2 people
  2. Pick your battles.  Not everything is worth an argument.  Some of the pettiest crap has been argument material for us.  If you’re having an issue with your betrothed then you need to just go ahead and air it and try to do it peacefully. Image may contain: 2 people
  3. Speaking of that, if you’re like me and go from calm to boiling in ten seconds flat, try to slow yourself down. Easier said than done, yes I know. Learn the importance of walking away from a situation to simmer down.  Trips to Walmart or Target generally cool me right down!  You may laugh but if I can get in my car and go walk through a store and browse at crap I don’t need I calm right down!  The dog park has the same effect.  It’s glorious.    Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, hat and closeup
  4. If you’re like my husband and super passive aggressive; work on airing your grievances immediately instead of letting them destroy your relationship.  No automatic alt text available.
  5. Don’t rush into having kids.  You need to have your time one on one before you introduce offspring to the situation.  You need to travel, have your finances in order, and be ready for the challenge of parenting.  I mean challenge.  I was actually cooking a bun when we married so we never experienced marriage minus kids.  It has made our experience a little different and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a different start. However, our start was for a reason and I guess I truly cannot complain.  We wouldn’t trade our overly dramatic, disrespectful preteen for anything…..right? HA! Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling
  6. No secrets.  Never, ever, ever keep a thing from your spouse.  Let them know everything.  Don’t hide purchases, don’t hide bills, don’t hide secrets you have with your friends, your partner is your PARTNER.  Nothing good is built on secrets.  Make decisions together.  Air grievances openly.  Talk, talk, talk. 
  7. Compromise.  Two people become one (blah blah blah) but that doesn’t mean they suddenly have the same personality, likes, and dislikes.  You should have your freedom to do the things you enjoy and your spouse should too. That doesn’t mean if you’re polar opposites you do all the fun stuff separate.  Spend time doing things with him that he enjoys even if you would rather have a dental check up instead of partaking in that activity.  Guys, do it for your girls.  Yeah, you hate shopping but you can go with her one Sunday a month.  If you do all your “fun stuff” separate then you’re going to drift apart.  My favorite part of this is that you eventually find out you like to do the stuff your spouse does.  I used to love to refinish furniture – my husband joined me in it and now I never get to because he took over my hobby.  Oh, wait, bad example.  <wink>  Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling
  8. Go on dates.  Never stop dating.  Date all the times you can.  Oh I mean date your spouse not have a side piece.                         
  9. Keep the romance.  She likes flowers?  Send them.  He likes chocolate chip cookies?  Bake them.  Recently, out of no where, my husband took a piece of paper and wrote I (Heart) U on it and it put it at the kitchen window.  He did it while I was still sleeping and while he was leaving for work.  That’s simple and funny and maybe childish but it was what I needed. Image may contain: 4 people
  10. Pray.  The only thing that has saved my marriage the times that I felt I was finished was prayer.  When things got tricky or just plain sad I would pray – and it was ugly and it was emotional and if you saw it you may cry.  But I prayed hard for intervention on my part and his part.  I cannot tell you that those prayers were not answered because I was given action beyond those prayers.  I did some things differently than my hot headed self would generally go about doing things.  Today, I still pray for my husband and my marriage.  We are not in a bad place – we are smooth sailing – and I like to think that my faith plays a big role in that. Image may contain: 4 people, people sitting, outdoor and nature

So here’s to a decade of being Mr. & Mrs. – two kids – a house that has caused thorns bigger than missiles in our sides – three jobs – a multitude of fire pit evenings – annoying the pee outta one another – rolling with laughter – and about a bajillion memories made.

Image may contain: 3 people, people sitting

 

Happy Friday –

Amanda

 

 

 

 

 

18 thoughts on “Friday #9”

  1. Congrats, you guys! We join the club next summer. These were great tips for sure. We had our kids young, but I don’t think I would change that for the world. I am hopefully going to get to be around for a lot longer now and get to be a grandma and great grandma longer than some people, and I think it’ll be so fun. Have an awesome day celebrating!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy anniversary sweet friend! You two are absolutely precious. I have to say your marriage advice is spot on and many of the things that work for us! I have really learned to just let things go. There’s things I love about him and there’s things I do not love about him but the things I love outweigh and he does things that make me fall in love all over again with him but there absolutely is no fairytale! Young girls and ladies are dreaming if they think there is. Yes there is that initial euphoria but that definitely wears off and it becomes a partnership. I have a friend who is married for 30 years who swears they lived the fairytale every day so my biggest question of her always is then why did you get divorced? There was no fairytale there honey. So happy you get to take a trip to celebrate the two of you this year and wishing you 10, 20, 30 more! I swear that picture with you laughing and your hand over your face is absolutely precious as can be! I hope the two of you laugh a lot this weekend and it’s full of joyful, Kiss each other on the face moments!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations and Happy Anniversary! I remember thinking, “we will NEVER make it” during year seven, pretty much that entire year. Guess what, numbers 1, 10, and 6 ring so true. We kept everything out in the open, never kept a secret and would just have to talk it out, pray, and more prayer and we made it through. Marriage is not always easy, marriage is not always fun, but it is great and 11 years later I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. What a great post this is! Happy Anniversary and enjoy your trip!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. All great tips…but I almost spit my coffee on the comment “not a side piece” hahaha. Congrats on 10 years! I really think what has saved my 2nd marriage is not having unrealistic expectations!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. First off, CONGRATS. 10 years is a big deal. Y’all are precious.
    You are so right. Some days I want to hit Ben up side his head with a frying pan and other days I was to squeeze him because I love him so much!! HA.
    I can’t wait for your Mexico trip. I want to go in your suitcase

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Happy Anniversary!! totally love this post…hearing your thoughts and seeing your sweet pics!! You got a good one there woman!! And side piece…lol! I will admit it made me a little sad that you mentioned not many people make it to 10 these days…so sad and yet so true! Hope you enjoy a weekend of lovin…and wine!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Y’all are the cutest. Your photos left me laughing and thinking, this looks familiar. Happy 10th, we’ll be celebrating 10 years too in about 5 months! We could have been newly we friends together :D!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s