We have entered the time of year that can be the easiest for us in the blogging community. When writer’s block hits we can easily resort to listing out all the things we are thankful for and spreading them over several posts throughout the month.
I have decided to break that cycle and instead spend today typing out some feelings about my largest debt of gratitude.
The one gift we never ask for but is rained down on us over and over and over again. We so often do not realize we have this amazing gift until a pivotal moment in our lives. Maybe its a diagnosis or a life stage event or even dealing with another human being who we have difficulty with. It doesn’t matter where it shows up; what matters is that we are covered by it at all times with no underwriting clauses or fine print.
All too often I just forget about it. I forget that in my moments of weakness or fragility there is this immense gift carrying me on. When I feel like my breaking point is seconds away grace pushes it away or sometimes just lets the bad happen and then covers me in a shower of love.
I fight grace. I fight the understanding that in my moments of being a not so stellar human grace will redeem me. All it asks is that I acknowledge its existence in my life – bad times and good times.
My own personal issue is the opposite of passive aggressive. I am often times just aggressive. It can cause many personal earth quakes and leave things in a chaotic mess. My tongue can make mountains of strength crumble into pebbles. In the aftermath I am left buried under the disaster. A good reminder we are often our own worst enemies.
And then there is grace. It comes to me in the quietest of moments when I’m alone (so often!) and it says – You hurt today. You hurt yourself the most. Then it reminds me that I am bigger than what I said or how I reacted. Grace says, You can move forward now. You can be stronger now. I believe in you.
In those moments I am redeemed because God still loves me.
This God I wish you all could know and accept says to me – I made you, flaws and strengths. I know where you err and I know where you rise up. Stop thinking your burdens are your own and start remembering I want every single one of them on my shoulders.
He’s telling me to remember the grace he consistently bestows without ever saying – Amanda, you’ve used it all up. I’m leaving you now.
Grace carried me in childhood, the teenage years (sorry for all those stupid decisions), college, and as a new wife. Grace makes me the mom that my daughter says is great (most days…). Grace tells me I didn’t make the wrong decision but tries to steer me to the right solution. Grace is working to keep me up and going every day of this life.
If I did not realize its righteous power then I would be in a place that I never could fathom.
Life isn’t perfect and problems will arise in every avenue. I just want to express my whole-hearted thanks to the Lord and His greatest mercy over myself.
Be aware of the gift of grace in your life. Acknowledge it and let it cover you. I promise it will make the most difficult times a bit better.